This past weekend, I stumbled upon a thought-provoking column in the Wall Street Journal titled “I Told My Son to Always Be Himself. Was I Wrong?” The piece, penned by Agnes Callard, a philosophy professor at the University of Chicago, set me off on a reflective journey about parental responsibilities and our God-given duty to guide our children in a world that often celebrates self-expression over self-awareness.
Callard shares her experience of telling her four-year-old son to “be yourself!” As a devoted Christian, I found myself disagreeing with this advice. The Bible teaches us that humanity is born with a sinful nature—a truth that becomes evident even in young children. We don’t have to instruct them on how to be selfish; it comes naturally. This leads to the question: should we really encourage our children to simply “be themselves”?
The biblical answer is nuanced. On one hand, we don’t want to give our children a free pass to indulge their natural tendencies toward self-centeredness. Ephesians 2:3 reminds us that we are “by nature the children of wrath.” Left unchecked, our inclinations can lead to destructive behavior, both socially and personally. This is why Scripture provides us with clear guidance on raising our children. Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs parents to teach their children about God’s commandments diligently and consistently, emphasizing that the primary place for this instruction is the home.
So what should we be teaching our children? First and foremost, we need to communicate that God loves them and has a unique purpose for each of their lives. As Paul writes in Ephesians 2:8-10, salvation is a gift from God, and we are His workmanship, created for good works that He has prepared in advance for us. This is a powerful message to impart to our kids: they are loved unconditionally and designed for a specific purpose.
In Psalm 139:13-16, we learn that God intricately knits us together in our mother’s womb, and in Isaiah 49:5, the prophet declares that we are formed to be His servants. These verses highlight that each child is uniquely crafted by God with a specific calling in mind. As parents, we can encourage our children to embrace their individuality while also guiding them to seek God’s plan for their lives.
Reflecting on my own upbringing, I remember asking my mother about my dreams of becoming a major league baseball player. She responded, “Playing baseball could be fine, but I believe God has something more important planned for you.” It was a gentle reminder that while my talents were valuable, my true calling lay beyond just personal ambition.
Years later, when I felt the call to full-time Christian ministry, my mother revealed that she had prayed specifically for my life’s purpose during her pregnancy with me. She had faced challenges that could have led her to terminate the pregnancy, but instead, she chose to trust God. Her faith and guidance played a crucial role in my understanding of my calling.
So, how do we guide our children? Instead of simply telling them to “be themselves,” we should encourage them to say “yes” to the unique individuals God created them to be. We can help them explore their gifts and talents while reminding them that their ultimate purpose is found in Christ.
As we engage in this vital task of parenting, let us remember that our role is not to promote self-indulgence but to foster a spirit of humility and service. We can teach our children that while they are wonderfully made, their true fulfillment comes from following God’s design for their lives.
In a world that often prioritizes self-expression over self-awareness, let’s be the voices that remind our children of their divine identity and purpose. After all, the greatest adventure in life is not in simply being oneself, but in discovering who God has called us to be.